As a former resident and current tenant at Maison d’Hérelle’s 3738, I share this space with six other people over the age of 50 living with HIV/AIDS. Allow me to tell you the story of my journey to peace of mind.
It all began on November 1st, 1989, when I met my partner, Gilles. At that first meeting, he confided in me that he had AIDS, and I shed tears for this handsome man, this very handsome man, sensitive, intelligence in his heart and mind. He is from Longueuil, I am from Montréal, we kept in touch, meeting in cafés, at his place, or mine.
On November 15th, I celebrated my 49th birthday, and after a few days, we moved in together. At the end of November, I received the results of my HIV test. The doctor said I was “positive”, having seroconverted six months earlier. In addition to worrying about and taking care of his health, I now had to get used to my new HIV-positive status. We vowed to walk this path together, honouring each other’s choices, while keeping each other informed of our respective conditions.
Gilles’s health deteriorated rapidly, and we moved into a supervised apartment building. Over the next few months, as his condition continued to deteriorate, we found it increasingly difficult to care for each other. In January 1991, Gilles moved to Maison d’Hérelle, where the nursing staff and caregivers generously gave him the care and attention he needed.
I saw him open up and thrive, I saw him eat well, I saw him participate in activities and community life. Despite my own health challenges, I embraced the role of a caregiver with the support of compassionate and qualified people.
“Life is a slope. One must climb.” – Joë Bousquet (translated from French: “La vie est une grave, il faut gravir.”)
Struggling with anxiety about his family and his mortality, Gilles became unstable and left Maison d’Hérelle to live with me, and then with his sister, and then in the country, first alone, then with me. In May 1994, the cruel blow of lymph node cancer struck. Returning to Maison d’Hérelle, leaving me alone in Morin-Heights, Gilles decided not to undergo treatment, convinced that either cancer or AIDS would claim him. Yet, remarkably, he embraced the life given to him by this formidable adversary.
Every day if I could, I visited him. I knew I could count on the support of the Maison d’Hérelle team to help me prepare for the inevitable. Peacefully, little by little, resilience was giving way to the illness that was consuming him. I attribute this conquest to the ethos of Maison d’Hérelle, in which I was not an insignificant part. I was given my own space.
“Death will come, and she will have your eyes.” – Cesare Pavese (translated from French: “La mort viendra et elle aura tes yeux.”)
My love for Maison d’Hérelle endures; it resurrected my Gilles on the eve of his departure. He passed away peacefully in my arms, surrounded by his family, at Maison d’Hérelle on December 4th, 1995. He died surrounded by love and tranquillity. I would like to thank the Director and the Social Worker of la Maison, Michèle Blanchard and Jean-Michel Richard. They have my deepest gratitude!
Thank you for reading and for making it to the end of this humbly written account. More than words… it’s what you must do to ease the pain of body, soul, mind, and emotions of these endearing and uplifting people.
In an era where HIV/AIDS may be trivialized, the needs are still there, glaring, and we’re still dying of it, still, and still dreaming of that blessed time when the disease has been eradicated.
Michel Pellerin
Lover of life, natural caregiver, and resident at Maison d’Hérelle